I’ve been so swamped at work and the 12hour work days for the past three weeks meant that I haven’t had time to really process the fact that I’m getting married in 3 weeks time.
It’s a strange feeling to contemplate. Lance and I have been together for a long time and yet I approach the concept of being married with happiness, anticipation mixed with some uncertainty. I suppose when you’ve gotten used to a specific identity for so long, it’s a little funny to have to change.
I wonder about the things that will change after my status changes – I already miss the moments that I won’t have with my family because I’m moving out, like my dad’s updates on his mini DIY inventions and his plants. I’ll miss having the nightly ritual of my youngest sister plonking herself on my bed while brushing her teeth. And yet I look forward to going home together with Lance, quiet languid weekends, nightly walks and the unknown funny adventures we will have when we start our own home and family.
I guess that’s partially why brides cry during the wedding – it’s a mixture of mourning the loss of an old comfortable identity while gaining a new one that will stay for life.
It’s selfish to consider a wedding that’s just meant for two people when it fact, the whole process is truly an expression of love. The details that my mum and sisters have put in to make this day as beautiful as they can show their love for me. When people take effort show up, whether in great lengths or just because, their presence shows that you matter to them, regardless of how you’ve kept in touch or how you haven’t kept in touch.
& the whole process forces us to consider and rank our relationships – who we invite and where they seat. On the flip side, it sheds light on the reciprocation in ranking amongst relationships and friendships – an extended invitation can be politely rejected or joyously accepted, help can be offered unconditionally or with caveats.
In all honesty, I am thankful to have kept the wedding details simple because it allows me to ruminate and ponder about the whole process instead of getting lost in the detail and stress. The moments to digest and appreciate the process midway helps me re-focus on what is the core.
I’m truly humbled by the whole process that so many people consider us, even for just a moment, and their decision to participate in our joy is cause for even gratitude.
Truly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.
It’s 1am on a Monday – I have a full day ahead tomorrow but I’m thankful for a moment (perhaps this took a bit longer than a moment) to collect my thoughts. And so the night deepens and the morning rises, taking us another day closer to the big day.